No Time Off

"A reckless car ran out of gas before it came by way" - Amy Grant, "Angels Watching Over Me"

If you've been a Christian for any length of time, you've undoubtedly experienced times in your walk that have felt static. These can sneak up on us unaware, or they can be the result of a particular time in our journey coming to an end. There is little comfort in understanding the reason why when we feel grounded in the mire. Like a traveler emerged in quicksand, we can see the point that we wish to get to, we just can't seem to get there.

And while there may be little comfort in understanding the reasons why, there is comfort in this - even when we don't understand how God is at work, we can rest assured that He is. God doesn't vacation, He isn't closed for the holidays, and He never calls in sick. He is continuously working for His good pleasure, both in our lives and in the lives of others who follow Him (See Romans 8:28). When we feel a lack of God's hands on our lives, it isn't because He has forgotten about us. Instead, He is arranging things, preparing us for the next step He wants us to take. We may feel His conviction, hear His call, or feel His love at specific moments in time, but that's not the only times where He is employed in furthering His kingdom through us. He is always working.

Practically this means that we can be confident that as we follow Him, He is leading. Even when it feels like we aren't going anywhere, He is still journeying with us. Like a guide that has walked the road before, He is simply preparing the path that He wants us to take.

So the next time you feel like God's calling on your life is unclear, or the steps He wants you to are a mystery, stand firm knowing that you shouldn't abandon the call on your life, because He certainly hasn't.

Mission Minded

'...And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?' - Esther 4:14


I've always loved the story of Esther. Perhaps its my love for any "against all odds" story. Or the fact that the hero a strong woman. I've never fully explored the reasons why - all I know is that I can't think of a single other Old Testament story that captures my heart in quite the same way.

If I was going to choose a rival for the story of Esther, though, it would have to be the story of Abigail (See I Samuel 25). Only briefly mentioned in Scripture, this is a woman that saved her husband (who doesn't seem to have been the nicest of guys) and her household from almost assured destruction at the hands of the anointed king, David. Perhaps Abigail is the reason for the saying "a man's heart is through his stomach" for after assuaging the king's anger with food, she would eventually marry him.

However, while Abigail and Esther share many things in common, namely they were both beautiful, savvy and aware of the power of a cooked meal, perhaps their single most important shared characteristic was that they remained focused on the mission God gave them. In Abigail's case, she desired to share her loved ones and her estate; in Esther's case, she needed to save an entire nation. Both of them set out to do that to which they had been called, when from a human perspective there was little chance of success. They did so because they realized that perhaps God had bigger plans for their lives than they had envisioned. Even though they may have disagreed, God had uniquely positioned each of them to accomplish His purpose "in such a time as this."

Where has God placed you during this time? Is there something to which He has called you that you are hesitant to pursue because you are not confident of your own abilities? Are you pursuing your own plans and hoping God will bless them? Let it not be! Find out what He wants for your life - and then remained single-minded about pursuing it - as you pursue Him. The good news is that if He has called you to it, He has also equipped you to accomplish it. Also, regardless of the outome, a Christ-follower can be confident that even if things don't turn out as planned, He is with you (Heb. 13:5). After all, it is better to seemingly fail doing God's work, then it is to be an utter success doing something different.

The reason that Esther and Abigail were both able to accomplish what they did is because when God called them to something, they both remained focused on that mission. In a society where women were rarely afforded power, through these two women, God changed the hearts of kings. May He do the same with His people today who are committed to Him and who can not be swayed to pursue anything but the mission He has given them.

He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." - Jim Elliott

In Plain Sight

I often tell people that there's a part of the absent minded professor in me. A lot of times, people don't believe this because I'm super organized and quite the planner. However, I think somewhere along the way I learned these abilities as a coping skill. Left to my own devices, the remote control ends up in the refrigerator, the car keys are stored in a baseball cap, and I have a hard time seeing what's right in front of me.

It's the latter phenomenon that's recently reminded me of how oblivious we can be to God. The situation was an inconsequential event; I looked into my shower like I do every day and for some reason noticed the useless, empty container for my razor. Now the container had been there for months, quite possibly years, and I don't ever remember a time when I used it for its intended purpose. From what I can recall from the original promotional packaging, it was designed to hold the razor and extra blades. Instead of fulfilling its function, it was a useless bathroom accessory - a part of my daily routine and yet without impact or utility.

As I threw the neglected container away I realize that my blinders are not limited to the accoutrement of my shower. Just like I saw that container every day, I am daily reminded of the work that God is doing, and how I should be participating in it. There are opportunities to show people grace that I abandon. There are sins that entangle me that I ignore. There are needs I turn away from even though they plainly confront me. I neglect the work of God, not because its out of sight, but because I don't perceive that I too have a function to fulfill. When I choose not to participate, I'm as useless as that forgotten container.

In the book of Matthew, Jesus said about his audience, "they will be ever seeing but not perceiving." (Matthew 13:14). This was His explanation for why He spoke in parables, for if He spoke plainly, then His audience would be accountable accordingly; in His grace, knowing that they would forsake even the plainly presented truth, He chose to veil His meaning (In his book, Faith & Life, B.B. Warfield discusses this extensively in the chapter called "Light & Shining"). While this is dreadful enough, I fear that many time Christ's revelation is plain, and yet we're just as blind. Blind caused by our willfulness ignorance not for a lack of ability to see. Similarly, the container was there and I'm sure my eyes gazed over it, yet I did not perceive it. In the same way, God gives us the opportunity to be used by Him and we stand idly by, useless.

May our sight, and our perception increase ever more so that we do not throw away opportunities to serve His purpose.

Saved

Researchers will tell you that one of the noteworthy things about Generation X is that they grew up in a world of security. Conversely, the Millennial Generation, those born after 1982 were the ones who grew up in the shadows of September 11th. Instead of having security from a world that was free of wars, their security was imposed upon them by their parents, who sacrifice at all costs to keep their children away from harm. This can most laughably be seen in Little League rules in which all children are declared winners (which remarkably also makes all children losers) so as to not malign their fragile self-esteem. Since I'm of the opinion that a little humility actually helps make us better human beings (and future employees) you can guess what I think of this contrived security. Its an illusion, and at some point in the future those kids are going to realize it, and instead of having a way to deal with the uncertainty of life, they are going to be left ill-equipped and desolate.

Despite an ability to comment on this deficiency in others, I've been lax at noticing it in my own life. However, as only God's Word can, a familiar passage reminded me that I too am in danger of imposing a false security. The passage was Matthew 16:24-25 "Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." (NIV) Reading this passage before I always thought that Jesus was identifying Himself as the only means of salvation; commending His disciples to the truth that they can not provide themselves eternal life. And maybe He was, but additionally I think He was showing us that we tend to want to keep our lives for ourselves. Just like the parent wants to provide barriers to any real or perceived harm towards their child, we like to provide our own barriers of excuses for doing what God wants. We want to save our lives to, as Frank Sinatra might say, "do it our way." Its not only that we might think that salvation comes through our own works, but we might believe the lie that its our life and we can do with it what we want. Christ says we can, but that's the surest way to lose that life in the end. The only way to gain real life, is to give our life up for Him.

Parents want to save their children from pain. We want to save ourselves from the same. Because following Christ is never easy and we think if we can justify our reluctance to do what He's called us to that somehow have things our way and His. But that's a malicious heresy. We only get one life. Its our decision whether we save it or we let Him.

The Work We're To Do

From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work. - Ephesians 4:16


I don't have the best body. No, I'm not talking about the fact that Elle McPherson and I have little in common. Although that's true (at least as far as surface appearances would foretell), my body just has a habit of not being able to do all the things I want it too. It started when I was younger, the weak ankles that I inherited from my grandmother would result in Ace bandage wraps more often than I care to admit. And although running miles upon miles has caused my ankles to strengthen, my muscles, ligaments, and joints still have their challenges. A large part of this is because I internalize things and my body pays the cost. It's not the worse thing in the world; after all when my body needs a break it means the rest of me slows down too, but given the choice, I'd rather everything function at a little more optimal level.

It is noteworthy perhaps, that there are parts of my body that function extremely well. My heart for instance is in tip-top shape (again - miles of running.) But my heart, although a muscle can't do the job that my shoulder muscle is assigned when my shoulder muscle decides to spasm. They are of the same nature, yet have very different roles, and unfortunately, I can't supplant the job of one for the task of another.

Its the same way in the Church. The job that one person has been given can't be done by someone else. We each must complete the task, whether seemingly menial or significant that God calls us to do recognizing that each task, when a godly task, is significant because of its heavenly origin. We sometimes want to argue with our role - we fear God has given us too much or too little, or He's asked us to do something for which we are ill-equipped. None of this matters. Our job is to complete our function because without it, the rest of the Body can't complete theirs.

And when we do that we may feel that God has called us to do too much and feel that we will not have the wherewithal to accomplish His mission. The words of another may comfort us. "I'd rather burn out than rust out" said James Young Ferguson. And he's right. Burning out is better because our job is to be a light and if we're burning, we're definitely shinning. The other thing to remember is this - things only gather rust when they aren't being used. If we're being used, rust isn't a concern, for our constant service will prevent the stagnation that allows rust to flourish.

God's called us to do things for His kingdom. Are we?

A Greater Love

I just got a puppy. He's adorable and a rascal, makes me laugh and sometimes makes me want to scream. While anyone who has had a puppy knows what this like, the purpose of this little treatise isn't to advocate the trials or the triumphs of owning a dog. Instead, its to talk about the sudden change in priorities that can occur within just a moment of time. All of the sudden my crazy schedule isn't so any more.

Those who know me know that I tended to go from one activity to the next. This is surprising since I'm an introvert, but for one reason or another I tend to be involved in a lot of things. I rarely realize how crazy my schedule is until I start describing it to someone else and they look at me with big eyes. Somehow, it just seemed normal to me.

But all the sudden my normal has changed. No longer do I feel compelled to be involved in everything because there's an 11-week old little dog who is, at this time, quite dependent on me. And it's important to me that my rambuncious puppy grows up into a well-behaved dog. My priorities have shifted.

And the thing is, I tend not to mind it. The work, the change in schedule, is worth it because there's a greater vision in mind. I don't want to have to be teaching my 5-year old dog how to behave, I'd much rather do it now. However, the work and the inconvenience that I somehow manage with my dog, I sometimes balk at when it comes to the service that God has me do. I want it to be on my own schedule and I want it to work according to my plans, and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes its hard and trying, and frankly very discouraging. But just like my dismay at my puppy's behavior doesn't make me abandon the work, neither should disappointment in people's response to the things of God. After all, the work isn't for them anyway.

We are willing to make all sorts of things a priority in our lives and we sacrifice much to ensure that our priorities are achieved. If God's purpose in our lives was the most prominent priority in our lives, maybe we'd be a little more willing to deal with inconveniences and a little less concerned about its impact on us.

"It's amazing how non-Christians put our love and commitment to shame because their love for idols exceed our love for God" - Dr. Mike Fabarez, June 1, 2008

Lessons in Leaving

As some of you know, today is a day of transition for me. I am leaving one career to start another and the flood of emotions that I've experienced is something that is foreign to me. I'm very blessed to love my job so in leaving there isn't a feeling of release. Instead, I leave knowing that I leave something great for something that I also love and that I feel called to do. In that, I believe that this new adventure will also be characterized by greatness.

However, in leaving, there are many things that I've learned. As I'm accustomed to doing, I thought I'd share at least some of those lessons with you:


1. Everything you do creates an impression - even those moments that in your mind were fleeting anomalies. The reaction to frustration that seemed so necessary at the time rarely is, but its what people tend to remember. Respond in the way that you want people to remember you by. Let that which you want to characterize you guide your interactions.
2. People respond to departures in all sorts of way - laughter, denial, anger and sadness. Processing these varied emotions can be a challenge which is why its good to take account of not only your leaving but the entire time of your stay. A few days shouldn't be the memory that sticks with you - look at things from the entire journey, and assess your time accordingly.
3. Just like we tend to improve our house when we're getting ready to sell it, we tend to wait until someone leaves to let them know what they meant to us. This is silly. Next days aren't guaranteed in any aspect of life. Let people know how they've contributed to your life immediately upon recognizing it. Then, regrets will be alien and appreciation abound.
4. People never believe that you will stay in touch when you move on. If you do so, you have a friend for life because they know that your relationship is no longer a matter of convenience but a choice of considered action. People want to know that you're not leaving them even if your place of employment is different.
5. Loving what you do is a rare gift. Loving the people that you get to work with far rarer. I'm extremely blessed to have both be true.

To all those who I will no longer rightfully call "colleagues," it is my sincere desire to always call you friends.

The Evils of Marketing

In business, there is often good-natured teasing between the disciplines. The division of power not only ensures fulfillment of all the responsibilities, but it creates barriers between those who spend the money and those who count the money. This tension is beneficial and if parlayed correctly helps ensure that the organization is properly run. Recognizing this doesn't eliminate the tension but it does make it more hilarious.

What's true in the confines of an organization often gets carried over to the classroom, and my students have repeatedly heard about the evils of marketing, mostly from those who participate in other business disciplines. While this is understandable, some of the jokes may have had an unintended effect. They cause those who feel called to a career in marketing to question the validity of their chosen path. As an individual who has spent her adult life in this field, this makes me sad. Sure, marketing can be used for less-than-commendable purposes, but so can any discipline (Enron, anyone?). The marketer's job isn't to convince people to buy something they don't know, it's to communicate to the organization's audience on its behalf. It's the responsible marketer who listens to the customer, discovers their needs, and creates products or services that meet those needs. It's not about need creation, it's about need fulfillment.


And while some may see this as evil, there's also a part of me that wants acknowledgment for all the good that happens as a result - all of the innovation, and new product creation, and communication that helps customers understand what they're purchasing and why. There are times when the good gets lost in the clutter - often as a result of the marketers' own actions, but that doesn't mean the good doesn't exist. Just like how the media spokespeople for Christianity can be some of the worse representations of my faith, those who often get notoriety for their marketing exploits, aren't the ones who really represent its significance.

The battle between disciplines is one that I've verbally chosen to stay out of. After all, I appreciate those individuals who count the money, sell the product, or ensure that my HR benefits are maintained. But for all my students who question whether the field they've chosen is good, this blog's for you.

Changed and Commissioned

Teaching college students is one of the greatest joys of my life. It combines two things that get me excited - business principles and helping others. Although it may be strange to think that business principles can get one excited they truly do. Its just one of my many quirks.

Along with teaching though, there comes the time that the students will inevitably leave. This isn't a time I look forward to although it is a time that's filled with mixed emotions. You're proud of what they've accomplished and yet sad that you will in all likelihood never see them again this side of heaven. At the same time, many students approach their date of graduation, a day that they've been preparing for the past four years, with trepidation. Many don't know what they'll do at the time of their departure and they are looking for some sort of plan.

My hope for all my students, regardless of the plans that they've established for themselves, is that they've used their time during their college careers to get know their Father better, to deepen their relationship with Him, to make a commitment that they'll be used by Him "any way, any time, any place." In other words, its not only their increase in business knowledge that I hope has changed them, I hope that their hearts have been changed as well.

The amazing thing is that immediately upon being changed, we have a commission. Christians do not have to wonder what their purpose in life is; God has made it abundantly clear that all of creation was instigated for His glory. We may feel that we don't know which path to tread, but in truth, we always know what we are to do. We are to do that which brings our Father honor, praise, and adoration - from our own lives and the lives of others.

What is true for my students, is true in each life that has been made a new creation by the work of the Spirit. Being changed by God precipitates a commission. Our job is to be committed to fulfilling it.

Remaining the Same

"You don't like yourself, but you do admire yourself. . .You're afraid that if you change, you'll lose what makes you special . . "

These words of insight were spoken by character on House - a great television show that I rarely watch but I definitely appreciate. I know many people probably consider it trite to write about something spoken by a fictional character, but it occurred to me that this is the reason that many people stay committed to a personna even when they've rather behave differently. The person that they are, is the person that they are familiar with, and changing involves quite a bit of risk. Not only may you stop liking your new self, others may too.

It's funny that things that define us. We're the goofy ones, and so we stay goofy even when we're in pain. We're the quiet ones so we stay quiet even when we have words to say. Angry, friendly, beautiful, loud - they all can be masks that we put on in order to ensure that we meet the expectations of people. We're comfortable with the image we've created - and we're too afraid of the risks to create something too.

The problem with remaining the same is that you'll never experience anything new - and you'll never know if there was something you missed.

Nothing Due

"God will meet you where you're at"
"Don't worry, it will happen. God has a person for you"
"This too shall pass"
"God accepts you just how you are"

Sometimes the most inaccurate things are said with the best of intentions.

In a culture that thinks that the ultimate purpose of life is to avoid suffering, the Church has parlayed the wisdom of the world into spiritual adages that sound good, but are wobbly in their theological accuracy. We often act like God is there to make sure that we are doing o.k. and that His sole reason for existence is to ensure our continued happiness. The truth is that God doesn't owe us anything so all the good that we are given is an act of His grace. To think that we are entitled to anything else is ridiculous.

In an article called "Don't Waste Your Life", John Piper states, "Our life is not our own. It belongs to God." Whatever He chooses to place in that life is solely at His discretion. Our job is to use whatever He has given us, good and bad, for His glory. That will barely make a dent into what He's due.

The Wisdom of Celebrity

In the December issue of InStyle, actress Natalie Portman shared, "If we can find ways to love life and by joyful without being wasteful or destructive that's what's important ." As a frequent reader of celebrity magazines, I know that inane comments by famous people are not entirely uncommon. What struck me about this particular comment is how difficult it is to argue against. After all, loving life and being joyful sounds good. And who among us wants to be wasteful and destructive? The edict from Miss Portman seems like a fine one except for one thing - she says quantifiably that these things are what's important. Not that these things are important, but that they are the important things. And therein lies the problem. It assumes that what is important is our feelings and experiences and that's just not the case. What's important is whether our lives are adding or detracting from the glory of our Father. What's important is whether our lives are properly aligned with His will. What's important are matters of eternity.

I fear that wisdom like Miss Portman shares would be agreed to by many these days. And I fear that many would concede this point without recognizing the potential problems - both outside of the Church - and within.

Unnoticed

Some people, when asked what super power they would most like to have, choose invisibility. Others of us don't need to wish for this attribute because its a normal part of our lives. This isn't a bad thing necessarily. As Carrie Underwood recently referred to herself, some of us are "blenders." We're not people that you would pick out of a crowd. Its not that we're literally invisible, we're just easy not to pay attention to. Recently I was out to dinner with some friends (all male, coincidently) and when I left the table I realized that I wasn't sure that the conversation would have been any different had I not been there. Except for one of them realizing mid-way through ordering that they should have let me go first, I was pretty much table garnish. For whatever reason, I just don't command a lot of attention - unless I'm playing fooseball or issuing my blistering whistle. And the fact is, I take a lot of comfort in the lack of attention that I receive. Once a friend remarked that it was his goal to make sure that I didn't languish in obscurity. I retorted obscurity was kind of my goal. I am one of those people who enjoy the background.

This lack of identification has many benefits. One of the reasons that I don't stand out is because physically I'm perfectly average. This means that shopping online for clothes is a cinch; my purchases don't have to conform to a certain defining physiological attribute. My lack of notoriety also means that I have a lot of opportunity for observation. It may be why I'm so sensitive to others' state of being; why I send e-mails of encouragement at the slightest hint of discord. Going unnoticed means that I notice a lot about others. It's probably one of the reasons I write these blogs.

However, sometimes I take my ability to blend too far. Sometimes I notice a need and I don't act to meet it. Sometimes I hear of someone's pain and not wanting to intrude, I walk away. I don't speak because I am afraid I won't be heard not remembering that obedience is required regardless of impact. While my lack of action may go unnoticed by the world, my Maker will surely take note, and next time He may not give me the opportunity.

In the fog

The thick mist hung in the air reducing visibility to a few yards. The fog obscured the landscape making my morning drive to work anything but usual. In fact, as I drove down the interstate I had to take a second and make sure that I was in fact in the right place. Because the fog changed the view of my surroundings, I couldn't see my normal points of reference. The path was the same one that I travel every work day, and yet, the inclement weather made it seem different. My perception of what I should be seeing and what I could see were not one in the same; I didn't know whether or not the road I was traveling was the right one.

I think the same thing that happened on my morning commute happens in life. Clouds settle around us and we don't know whether the path we are walking is the right one. We can't see up ahead and our normal vantage is obscured. Our points of reference - the good feelings that we get when we know we are walking in God's plan - are nowhere to be found. We don't remember changing directions and yet the road appears unfamiliar. Our guideposts are hidden from view.

This morning, I wasn't sure I was on the right freeway until I saw the exit signs along the road. They were counting down in the same order that they do every morning. Even though the path felt different, the familiar points of exit told me that it was the right one. In life its the same way. God's commandments are our road signs. And even when it feels unfamiliar, when we follow them, we can be confident that we are heading the right way.

Welcome to the World

It was an unfortunate case of reading too quickly. I read what I thought the sermon title was instead of what was actually printed. I quickly realized my error though when the message began and the sermon was about the importance of taking God's Word like it was the Word of God. Oops - "Welcome to the Word" is was my mind should have registered. Chalk it up to a hasty assumption - I thought the sermon was going to be about our place in the world. It's only one letter different but it definitely changed the tenor of things.

"Coincidently" I had already been thinking a lot about our place in the world - perhaps the reason for my accidental misinterpretation. Reading a book called "Not On Our Watch" I learned about the mass atrocities that are being perpetrated in Darfur. I had heard a lot about the situation in Sudan but had mistakenly believed that the peace treaty signed in 2006 had brought to bear the weight of the international community and that remedies were being put into place. What I hadn't realized was that Darfur was specifically left out of the treaties. Suspicious of any cause that garners the attention of celebrities, I hadn't paid much attention to the details of the arrangement which is perhaps why I had neglected to pay attention to the continue cycle of violence, sexual assault, and mass atrocities that are being suffered by the people of Darfur. Fueled by ethnic tensions and backed by government support, thousands of been subject to unspeakable crimes and even more have been displaced as a result of the ongoing violence. Ignorance is bliss, and my previous ignorance was definitely more peaceable than the compelling knowledge that I now must contend with. Its probably why I don't like to watch the news - too much responsibility comes with knowledge.

However no longer protected by the thin veil of ignorance I'm left to struggle with what I can do in situations that far outweigh my abilities. The truth is I haven't quite figured out the best way to participate in a solution. What I do know, however, is that as a Christian, my concern has to be for the people who are suffering. Jesus never commanded to love only if the result of that love would solve problems. We are instructed to think of others ahead of ourselves and when His children suffer, regardless of where they are in the world, our heart should break right alongside His. Our place in the world is to be the extension of His compassion. It may not solve international crises but its impact on singular lives can not be underestimated. Its easier to stay in our bubble, but being a Christian isn't supposed to be easy, and the value of a human life is far outweighs the cost of our comfort. It's our job to join in; to do our part to show others Jesus' love. Without us, His truth remains a mystery. Without it, evil wins.

Welcome to the world. It needs you.

Escaping Expectations

I know I'm not alone when I say I hate to disappoint people. Like many others, I have this tendency to want to make other people happy. Thankfully, I have friends in my life who help make sure that I don't get too carried away. One such friend regularly reminds me to have a mental makeover in order to make sure that I'm doing things for others out of a spirit of generosity not obligation. It definitely helps me stay sane.

Because of my desire to try to please people, I often find myself attempting to lower expectations. In fact, given the opportunity, I try to disavow them all together. I don't want someone else to think I can do something or be someone that I'm not sure I've progressed to. So I strive to lower the bar, to set other people's eyes on what I'm fairly confident is achievable. It's my way of managing other people's potential disappointment.

Sometimes we do the same thing with God. Especially for those of us who are blessed with having been raised in a church, we usually have a fairly good understanding of what God expects from us and what He doesn't. In fact, He intentionally makes it difficult to obscure. "Follow Me" is what He said to the disciples . . . and its what He still says to today.

The simplicity of Jesus' instructions don't make them palatable. We know that we should give up all rights to ourselves and we also know how much we want to do our own thing. We know we should love others with a greater magnitude than we love ourselves yet we find ourselves sitting in judgment. We try to tell God, "no, Lord, don't send me." because we're not sure that we're up to the task.

Expectations, however, only seek to define that which has not yet been determined. If we fail to live up to God's expectations, He'll find another way to accomplish His purpose. When we evade God's expectations, we avoid the risk of failure and the reward of obedience.

We can't escape the expectations of others. But when we run from God's expectations for our lives we disavow our chance to be involved with His agenda and to be used for His renown.

Trapped

The other day I got stuck between two people having a conversation and mentioned in an offhanded remarked that I felt trapped. Someone asked if I meant like a fish in a net, and I affirmed that the feeling was similar. Later, as three people discussed something about which I had absolutely no frame of reference I stated that I felt like a fish out of water. (Both of these remarks prompted an interesting discussion about what kind of fish I would be. A discussion that I was ill-equipped to have.) Without exactly meaning to, i had created an interesting parallel. Both times I was equated with a fish. Both times the analogy was apt.

Whether a fish is trapped in a net or happens to find themselves on shore, they are not in the environment that God intended for them. All the things that fish were created to do are not possible in either of those circumstances. In the first, the fish has had outside forces conspire to remove it from its natural environment. There is very little that a fish can do to affect change once they are in the net; the idea is to avoid it. In the second situation, the fish itself has acted to get outside of God's plans. Following what it thought was a better alternative created a situation in which it was unable to survive. The fish probably doesn't intend for that to be the end result. Nevertheless, it is.

Sometimes I think humans are not that much wiser. We let outside forces surround us and prevent us from following God's plans. Or, we ourselves think we know a better way, and so we jump out of the ocean of God's goodness, intent that there is a better life for us on the sand. There never is. God made us for one purpose - to give Him glory. Any time we act on our own we're supplanting that purpose with our own desires. Anytime we do that, we're trapped. We experience bondage, not freedom. We experience death, not life. We seek to do our own thing, and than find that our own thing is not worth pursuing. We've been given everything we need to live the life we're intended, if only we're content to be what God's called us.

I don't know what fish I would be. I'm grateful that I don't have to choose. I only hope that I can be the person that God intended and not let anything, whether outside forces or my own desires, prevent that.

A Good Year

I love birthdays. Whether mine or someone else's, there's just something great about the fact that everybody has a day where they are celebrated. Birthdays are the perfect time to reflect on where life has taken you, who you want to be, and the steps (or missteps) that you've taken a long the way. They are also a great occasion for remembering what is special about another person and for recognizing all that they've meant in our iives. All of that, and you get ice cream, and there's really just nothing else like them.

My love for birthdays is especially prescient because today happens to be mine. Being the introspective person that I am, I've spent the last week or so thinking about the previous year and how my life has changed. In a lot of ways, its been a tough year. Not because anything abhorently bad has happened. Thankfully it hasn't. But the year has brought a lot of experiences that have stretched my perception of myself. It's been a year of challenge as I've sought to define who I am without reference to what other people expect of me. In a lot of ways, this has been more difficult to deal with then when outside forces collaborate to bring about less-than-pleasant things. When things that are identifiably bad happen to you, other people come to your side and can engage in tangible activities to alleviate the situation. When the struggle is internal, that assistance is unavailable. You're left with just the reflection in the mirror. Time marches on, and whether you march with it, is dictated by how you respond to the questions that have been raised.

For lovers of fine wine, time is also extremely important. Bottles are chosen and priced based on the year of their creation. A "good year" occurs when the vintage achieves the level of fullness that the wine maker intended. A wine from a good year is treasured because it has achieve the objectives of its creator. Although I don't know a lot about wine-making I do know that not everything that the grapes go through is pleasant. They are processed, stomped upon and generally stripped of everything but their essence in order to produce a drink that will be enjoyed by thousands. The challenge with wine-making is that during this process the end result is not known immediately. There is an interim period where both wine-maker and wine-lovers must trust and hope that the process has its intended outcome. It is a time of waiting and of challenge, and it is only in retrospect that its effect can be seen.

Consequently, in a lot of ways, I have come to believe that this past year of my life has been a good one. I trust that whatever road God is leading me down, He is the One doing the leading. The Creator has a purpose and a plan, and just like every step before, this past year has been a part of that process. My job, just like the grape's, it not to worry about what I'm going through, but to make sure that I'm responding appropriately. The year has been one of challenge and heartache, but its also been one of growth and blessing. It's been a year that's changed me, that has caused me to realize who I am at my essence, and to be stripped of much of what I believed to be true about myself. It's also been a year of grace, as I've seen God's faithfulness time and time again.

In the final outcome, I believe that I will look back upon this year as a year of transformation. And maybe that's what a good year, in both life and in wine-making, is really all about.

Showing Up

Showing Up

It's a common phrase in Christian circles when something happens that conforms to what we want. "God was really working in that situation", we say and the evidence of this, is apparently us acquiring what we prayed for. We know that we've talked to God about our desires and when we obtain them we think that God's power is demonstrated. It's a simple case of cause and effect.

The problem with that theory is that there are a lot of times that we don't get what we want, and yet, God is still on His throne. Just because we can't trace the cause and effect doesn't mean that God's not accomplishing His purposes. God's working even when we don't acknowledge it. As Rob Bell says "God is always present. We're the ones that show up."

And therein lies our challenge. We need to show up to participate in what God is already doing. We need to see where He's working and want to be a part of it. We shouldn't be looking for God accomplishing what we want, but we should be seeking to be a part of His purpose. Showing up sounds easy, but it requires that we don't have our own agenda, or our own expectations of what should be. We're open to the possibilities of what He's doing, and we're listening to His still small voice so we know where we should be.

As children, we don't understand the power of showing up, because its what we're doing already. We don't plan and strategize, we just accept where we are and look how to make the most of the experience. Children don't have to be convinced that God created the world or that He's working in their lives. They have to be convinced that He's not.

When God commanded us to "become like little children" it was not only a reminder to trust Him without inhibition but to see His work wherever we happen to be. He's always on His throne, He's always commanding His Creation. We just have to be willing to experience it.

Holding On Too Tight

By afflictions, God is spoiling us [i.e., taking away from us] of what otherwise might have spoiled us. When he makes the world too hot for us to hold, we let it go. - John Powell

Growing up I had a license plate frame that said "Not Spoiled, Blessed." I was always a little self-conscience about it because it seemed very Orange County, but it was a gift from my parents, and so it stayed. (In fact when my mother reads this she'll be a little sad that she was a part of anything that caused me the slightest discomfort. It's o.k. Mom - I survived.) Desspite my awkwardness the license plate frame surely conveyed some truth. I was definitely blessed.

The problem with the frame was the perception that it engendered that somehow what made me bless were the possessions that I had. This was not the case, not because I didn't have nice things, for I most certainly did, but they weren't my truest source of blessings. That came from the fact that I was a sinner saved by grace, a saying that makes a poor license plate frame but contains everlasting glory. The problem is that most people won't make the distinction between the two. They will be left with the thought that somehow what I have dictates who I am, and the condition of my being. This happens a lot. People hold on so tight to what they have that it begins to define them. When we are defined by what we own, we cease to be defined by God.

Chapter 5 of James has a lot to say about this subject. Primarily it encourages readers to remember that everything in this world is going to burn. When we aren't willing to sacrifice material gain for heavenly glory our balance sheet is out of whack. Oftentimes God will work in our lives to correct this imbalance. He'll use the things that we've placed ahead of Him to show us His proper place. God makes a poor second fiddle, and in His love for us, He'll spoil that which supplants Him.

Being spoiled isn't a bad thing, if what we are spoiled for is any work but what God has intended. If we are completely useless except in bringing Him glory, if we can offer nothing but all that we have, than we truly are blessed.